I
have been trying to figure out for ages why no rape victim ever speaks out
about their experience and why they would feel ashamed about being a victim. Can
anyone enlighten me?? I have been at times ashamed and embarrassed about what
happened to me. Mostly those feeling have developed from peoples responses to
my story. These people did not react out of menace but out of awkwardness and
were unable to connect in the way I needed them too.
Why
is rape such a taboo subject?!
Why
do they seem scared about something that happened to me and not them?
Hear
are my thoughts. I think firstly and foremost people are scared of rape
becoming a reality for them. And of course, this is totally natural. They can
only imagine how horrible the experience is and therefore, like most humans,
they avoid the conversation.
I
am scared of getting cancer, or being in a plane crash, or losing someone in my
family but I do not think this fear makes me unable to be there for someone
whose mother has died or someone who has cancer. I do not think these problems
are contagious.
Yet,
there is something that stops people talking about rape. There is a definite
fear that I have noticed in people’s eyes even when mentioning the word rape. I
have even been asked what clothes I was wearing at the time, if I was drunk and
if I was walking alone. People who asked these questions seemed deeply
disturbed by what had happened to me and I think they were desperate to find
out ‘where I went wrong’ so that they were able to avoid the situation. These
questions do not intend to place blame on me but I did feel ashamed.
The
thing that shocked me the most by these questions was the total lack of
understanding as to how utterly powerless I was. The above questions seemed to
give me power after the rape had happened. If I had been wearing a different
outfit would I have gone unnoticed? If I had been with ten people would he have
walked past me? Possibly, but the fact is I was taken and against my will I was
raped. If I had any choice in the matter, believe me, it wouldn’t have
happened.
I
am not going to sit here and give you a detailed account of my rape, that isn’t
what I am here for. I am going to sit here and say (type) that it is the
hardest thing that I have ever been through. My whole world disintegrated in
front of my eyes and I was literally powerless to stop it from crumbling.
I
get that it is a horrible thing to talk about. And there are blurred lines when
it comes to what technically rape is. To me it doesn’t have to be so
complicated. Whatever the situation may be, whatever caused you to be alone
with that person if two people consent to sex it isn’t rape. If one person says
no and it still goes ahead it is rape. Fact.
I
would really love to hear any responses to this blog. I am so interested in
what feelings this post provokes in people. Whether you have been raped or not,
I would love to hear your opinion.
This is my platform to air my thoughts; I
would love to share it with you.
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