For months and months I have been scouring the Internet trying to find accounts or stories from rape victims. For months and months I have been looking for support sites and forums in the UK for rape victims. And for months and months I have been sitting, on my laptop, as a rape victim, doing nothing. SO, I have decided to try and be the help that I need, and hopefully in the process I can help others. Enter blog entry number 1!!!!
I have never written a blog before and to be honest I am utterly surprised I have been able to get this far without a spelling mistake so you will have to bear with me if my writing is a bit all over the place.
As a rape victim I have felt, although there are support systems out there, very alone in my recovery. I went to Rape Crisis and was turned away due to my postcode. So I went to the NHS and was given six 45 minute sessions of counselling. I am sure if you got anyone from the street and asked them to talk about a strained relationship they are having with a family member or an argument they had with their partner the night before 6 sessions of 45 minutes wouldn’t solve their problems!
It seemed almost cruel to be given this short glimpse of hope only for it to be taken away again. I was in shock for a long time so I honestly could say that it wasn’t until the 5th session that I was able to actually consciously think about the rape and how I felt. I was so disconnected with my thoughts and feelings it took a long time to feel again. Also, it takes a long time to trust the therapist/counsellor with your story. Im not sure about any other rape victims but I sure did not get the comforting and reassuring responses I needed from people.
So I stopped talking about it. And I realised that in general people were unable, for whatever reason, to be there emotionally for me. This left me in a predicament. Did I swallow my feelings and ignore my rape or did I own them and voice them regardless of the uncomfortable and awkward consequences? Luckily, I am training to be a psychotherapist so it is pretty much impossible to swallow feelings completely and I am lucky enough to be able to afford therapy each week. But there are people out there who cant get counselling from Rape Crisis due to their postcode and there are people out there who cant deal with their rape experience in 6 sessions of counselling.
This blog is for those people who are lost and trapped in their past experiences. Let us unite and support each other. Let us be heard and lead us ‘Surmonter’ ….